Last Monday was a very difficult day for me. To start off, first thing in the morning, I was scrubbing the tea stain out of my special tea mug when the mug slipped from my hands and landed hard in the porcelain sink … chipping a huge chunk from the rim of my mug.
I stood there stunned … and a bit in awe. I regularly scrub the tea stain out of this very special tea mug. And every single time, I worry that the mug will slip from my hands and be damaged.
But it has never happened.
Until today.
Why today?
Something about it seemed hugely significant. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was. But something about that particular mug (my “I am a beacon of joy” mug) being badly chipped (yet not totally damaged) … something about it seemed hugely significant.
I am naturally a very positive, optimistic person. So I felt somewhat rattled that my “I am a beacon of joy” mug had just been badly chipped.
I sat down at the end of the table to have breakfast. There … directly in my line of sight was this cheerful garden tote my daughter had just given me the day before, for Mother’s Day.
At that moment my heart was so sad about my special mug being badly chipped that I immediately told God: “But I don’t feel like being happy.”
To which God spoke deep down to my soul: “This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)
So … in active surrender I replied: “Yes God … I agree with you. You are right. You made this day … therefore, like the bag says, it is a good day to be happy.”
A few hours later I was listening to CeCe Winan’s newest album release when one song in particular jumped out and grabbed me! That song right there was for me! It was specifically from God … for me … for today.
Here are the words:
“I wish I could tell you.
Wish I could describe it.
But I can’t contain it,
can’t keep it to myself.
There aren’t enough colors
to paint the whole picture.
Not enough words to ever say what I found.
Wonderful and beautiful
and glorious and holy!
He is merciful and powerful!
Who are we talkin’ about?
That’s my King!
We declare the glory!
Give Him all the honor!
Altogether worthy!
Who are we talkin’ about?
That’s my King!
There’s no one before You.
Yes, we will adore You!
All of this is for You!
Who are we talkin’ about?
That’s my King!
Jesus You’re my King!
I’m not letting the rocks cry,
without joining the chorus.
There aren’t enough notes to make the harmony.
It’s the song of the angels,
through all of the ages.
The song of the earth and heaven’s symphony!
He’s my King!
He’s my God!
He’s my Shepherd!
My Protector!
He’s my King!
He’s my Rock!
He’s my anchor … my defender!”
(“That’s My King” – by CeCe Winans)
Not long after, I was sitting at the table having some lunch when a Teams message came in: someone very dear did not have much longer to live … they would be going to see Jesus soon.
My heart was overwhelmed with grief! The tears spilled over!
And as I sat there at the table, directly in my line of sight was my tote bag from my daughter stating: “It’s a good day to be happy.”
I told God, “It’s not a good day to be happy! It’s not! God, I don’t want to be happy!”
To which the Holy Spirit replied deep in my soul: “This is the day the Lord has made … rejoice, and be glad in it.”
“But God, I don’t want to!”
The Holy Spirit replied: “Listen to your song.”
“But I don’t want to. It’s too happy.”
The Holy Spirit replied: “Listen to your song.”
So I did.
“He’s my King!
He’s my God!
He’s my Shepherd!
My Protector!
He’s my King!
He’s my Rock!
He’s my anchor … my defender!”
It wasn’t 30 minutes and a text message came in from a very precious friend. Another very dear someone would be meeting Jesus soon. They had just gone on Hospice that very day.
Sobs threatened to overwhelm me!
And there I sat, stunned, at the end of the table … with the message staring right at me: “It’s a good day to be happy.”
“But it’s not! It’s not, God! It’s not a good day to be happy.” I cried.
Jesus Himself spoke to me: “Listen to your song.”
“But I don’t want to!! I don’t want to!! There’s too much life in that song!”
Jesus replied: “Listen to your song.”
I remained motionless. I couldn’t do it.
Then after a couple of minutes, surrender washed over me, and I turned the song back on again:
“He’s my King!
He’s my God!
He’s my Shepherd!
My Protector!
He’s my King!
He’s my Rock!
He’s my anchor … my defender!”
Jesus is my Shepherd. Jesus will take care of me through this season of loss and grief.
Jesus is my Protector. Jesus will protect and take care of me through this season of loss and grief.
Jesus is my Rock. Jesus will keep me steady through this season of loss and grief.
Jesus is my anchor. Jesus will keep me anchored through this season of loss and grief.
Late afternoon brought with it the need to start preparing dinner. I headed to the kitchen … and there sat my special mug: “I am a beacon on joy.” Yes, indeed it had been very significant that that particular mug had been badly chipped today.
Grief takes pieces out of who we are!
Losing someone who is precious to us takes pieces out of who we are!
My special mug is still useable. It still declares: “I am a beacon of joy.” It just has a piece taken out of it now.
In the same way, losing someone dear does not change who we are as a person. We are still the same person. But it does take a piece out of who we are.
The title of this blog post is: “When facing grief …”
What do we do when facing grief??
We worship our way through it!
We won’t feel like it. We won’t want to.
But that is the only way.
It is only by worshiping our way through our grief that we can access the comfort that Jesus has waiting for us. It is only by worshiping our way through our grief that we can access the peace that Jesus has waiting for us.
I find it ironic that just the day before, on Sunday, the focus of the worship songs we sang in Sunday morning church were all about trusting Jesus. “Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.” Truly the Holy Spirit did know exactly what I would need for this week! Indeed, the very next day! And via the worship songs, He had prepared me.
