I recently put forth the question to a group of Young Adult Professionals: “Do you have any questions about marriage?”
They responded with some wonderful questions … which has given me much to ponder. Yesterday’s topic of discussion was: “What surprised you most about marriage?”
Yesterday I shared hubby’s response of what was most surprising for him. Today I’ll share what was most surprising for me.
There is so much romance wrapped up in the thought of “getting married.”
It all starts with a spark of attraction. That “special someone” is so good looking! And then you find out that they think you’re pretty awesome too. It seems as if everything is a flutter of emotions! You can’t eat … you can’t sleep … you think about them constantly! Your heart races whenever you see them. It’s all so romantic!
Then the relationship moves into “dating.” The initial spark cools down a bit … you get your appetite back. Just thinking of that “special someone” no longer totally consumes your mind … you have mental space to think about other stuff again. You’re spending lots more time together. You’re getting to know them really well. Your heart still races whenever you see them. It’s still very romantic!
Then the relationship moves into “engagement.” Everything about planning the wedding is romantic! You look forward with excitement to that dreamy romantic day!
The big day arrives … and of course it is romantic!
Married life … … much to your great surprise you realize that marriage is not really all that romantic. Marriage is just plain normal ordinary days … one after the other.
As a blissful newlywed, still caught up in the notion of romance, you attempt a fancy candlelight dinner, on the fancy new china (which was a wedding gift). A fancy new recipe is prepared, out of the fancy new cookbook (which was also a wedding gift).
But despite all your hard work and effort, the recipe flops … the rice in the casserole never actually gets soft and fluffy. Alas … disappointedly crunching on hard uncooked rice, hoping you don’t crack a tooth, is anything but romantic.
Marriage doubles the joys! It also doubles the dirty dishes filling the kitchen sink and covering every square inch of counter space. Not to mention double the dirty laundry, piled up and spilling out of the laundry basket! Or double the shoes strewn all over the entryway.
Even now, after 27 years of marriage, I am still flopping recipes as I attempt to prepare a romantic dinner for hubby. It happened twice just this week!
Typically, the nights hubby comes home from work on time, I’m running an hour or so late getting dinner ready. And the nights when dinner is actually ready on time, hubby winds up being an hour or so late getting home.
But the romance … the romance is there. It’s just hidden … hidden in normal, ordinary places you would never think of. Such as a stroll on a normal ordinary Saturday around an Arts & Crafts Festival while holding hands. Definitely romantic.
Or an afternoon walk around the neighborhood in the rain, huddled together under a big golf umbrella. (this happens quite often with hubby and me) Yeah, that’s definitely romantic.
Or hubby surprising me with a Starbucks drink, for no reason, on a normal ordinary day. The list could go on and on …
The greatest thing that surprised me about marriage is that it is not “Hallmark movie” dreamy romantic like I had always thought. But rather, the romance of marriage is hidden in the normal … in the ordinary … in the little acts of love, one ordinary day after another.
