I had a “PCC nightmare” the other night. It’s been over 20 years since I’ve had a “PCC nightmare.”
Hubby and I attended a very “militaristic” college which had lots and lots of rules! … most of which were “unwritten.” The punishment for breaking these rules tended towards harsh.
During our four years of college, we lived under constant fear of accidently breaking a rule and being harshly (and publicly … it did happen!) confronted by stern, legalistic, judgmental authority figures!
After graduation, when I was free from that environment, I began to have “PCC nightmares.” The dreams were always the same: I was always alone (at PCC) … and desperately lonely! And always overshadowed by a foreboding fear.
Even after hubby & I had been married for several years, and I was a happy mommy caring for my two precious babies … I would wake up in the night with “PCC nightmares” in which I was alone (at PCC) … separated from my hubby and my babies. In my dreams I never knew where my hubby or my babies were … and there was no way to get to them. And always the fear … a foreboding fear of harsh judgmental authority figures!
We all have “baggage.”
Our “baggage” is unique to us. I just now shared a bit about my own personal “baggage” … which is nothing at all like what your “baggage” is.
At the beginning of this summer hubby and I had an arborist come to give us a quote for taking down some dead/dying hemlock trees. While the arborist was traversing the property, he commented on this particular Big Leaf Maple (the one in today’s background photo). He stated that Big Leaf Maples are very good at self-maintenance. All that dead material you see high up in the branches of this Big Leaf Maple … the tree will naturally “shed the baggage.”
The dead branches will come down … eventually … in time.
Common sense tells us that this “shedding of the baggage” will not be occurring on clear sunny days … when all is calm and peaceful. No. Common sense tells us that the “baggage” will be coming down in the storms. When it’s windy! When gusts are whipping through the branches! When snow weighs down heavy!
It’s the storms which bring the “baggage” down.
The same is true in our lives. We all have “baggage” hiding in the far recesses of our lives. It’s not visible. On the surface everything about our lives looks perfectly fine.
But then storms come. It gets windy! Gusts blow and whip through the branches of our lives! Snowfall clings to our branches … weighing heavy!
The storms bring the “baggage” down.
So … in my own life … what was it, exactly, that surfaced the “PCC nightmares” … after 20 years??
It was a “storm” … so to speak.
I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts about losing most of my close friends this summer. Hubby and I are facing the daunting task of “starting over” again to build friendships/relationships.
It is scary to walk into a setting of total strangers and try to start the process of making new friends. There is fear. Fear of being rejected. Fear of being judged. Fear of not knowing the “unwritten rules” of this new “social circle” … and accidentally breaking a “rule” … and being “publicly” humiliated and judged.
“Baggage.”
Baggage from the past … falling from the “tree” of my life … because of the “storm.”
We all have “baggage.” And I would venture to say that for every one of us, our “baggage” is in some way directly tied to relationships … connection … rejection.
It’s ok.
It’s ok to have “baggage.” It’s normal … it’s part of life.
And it’s ok when the storms of life bring the “baggage” down.
There’s cleanup when the Big Leaf Maple sheds the dead branches. So also, there’s “cleanup” when the “baggage” of our life sheds.
It can be hard to know how to process things when the “baggage” comes down in our life. That’s why God gives us the gift of a “safe person.” We need each other!
Process with your “safe person” … they can help to make sense of things when the “baggage” comes down in the storms.
Just as the shedding for the Big Leaf Maple makes the tree more healthy and more resilient … so also, “shedding the baggage” in our lives will make us emotionally more healthy and more resilient!
