I was sitting here typing up a blog post when the “dogs” started barking on my phone. (it’s my Ring driveway camera notification) Amazon deliveries don’t usually come at 8am … so it must be a deer … or perhaps some other exciting wildlife.
Uh-huh! So there’s the culprit whose been scratching all our poor little cedar saplings to bits.
You can see one of our poor little cedar saplings here.
Poor little thing.
All throughout the forest, where we planted new baby cedar trees several years ago, they have all been scratched to smithereens.
There used to be a dirt road going through our forest in the front, and hubby and I have been making a concerted effort to try to rehabilitate and reforest this area. To this end, we planted lots of little cedar trees … but just as they are finally beginning to get tall enough to look a like healthy tree … they are all being scratched to bits!
I had originally thought that it was the bear getting a good back scratch. But when our forestry professor came for our site visit a few weeks ago he said it was the deer. Evidently, they love this exact size sapling to scratch their antlers on. Sadness.
A few weeks ago, hubby had noticed the two young bucks hanging around. And lo and behold, here went the young buck this morning.
To be honest, this forest is the young bucks’ home. I think these two young bucks were the same little baby deer which hubby and I watched the summer after we moved into our home in the forest. And I think they are the same two young bucks which came through two years ago, right around Father’s Day, with tiny little nubs of antlers just beginning to grow.
These two young bucks grew up here in our forest. This forest is their home.
So as they grow and mature, and as their antlers get bigger and they need a scratching place, of course they would scratch their antlers right here at home. Home is a safe place. That’s what home is for.
In each of our own personal lives, this same thing is true. Home is where we can do some “scratching” as we mature and grow through life.
Life is hard. Life is tough. It takes everything out of us!
Then we come home. And we wind up “scratching each other the wrong way.”
We say things we don’t really mean. We are short and snappy with those who love us. We unload our frustration all over those who care about us the most.
It’s not that we are intentionally being hurtful to those who care about us the most. It’s just that subconsciously we know they will love us, no matter what. So all the hurt which has been building up inside us … it just all tumbles out, unintentionally, all on its own. Because that is what home is for. Home is a safe place.
This is what family looks like!
It looks like each of us, at times, “scratching each other the wrong way” … and it looks like some parts of our life being “damaged” by being “scratched to bits.”
Family looks like safety … safety for each of us as we grow and work through struggles together.
Family looks like forgiveness … forgiveness when we get “damaged” by being “scratched the wrong way.”
I would never go get a gun and shoot the young buck because it is scratching all the poor little cedar saplings to bits. Perish the thought!! Yet oftentimes that is what people do in their families and in their homes. They get “scratched the wrong way” … and so, they pull out the proverbial “gun” and start “shooting” at their family member: with sharp words (which are like bullets!) … with a cold-shoulder (which is like a bullet!) … with a condescending attitude (which is like a bullet!) … with the “silent treatment” (which is like a bullet!) … with a hateful tone of voice (which is like a bullet!) … etc.
Family looks like grace … extending grace to those who “scratch us the wrong way.”
Hubby and I have grace for the young bucks in our forest. We will plant more cedar saplings to replace the ones which have been badly damaged. (lots of new little cedar sprouts have recently sprung up on their own in the front flower bed!)
In our families, we likewise need to allow some extra buffer to be able to effectively handle the “scratching.” If we have no buffer in our lives … if we are living right up to the wire in absolutely every area … then we for sure won’t be able to handle “being scratched the wrong way.” Allow some extra buffer in your life. It will give you the bandwidth you need to extend grace.
Family looks like patience … holding our tongue and not spouting off the first things which pop into our mind. It looks like giving those in our family the time they need to work through struggles.
Hubby and I need to have loads of patience when it comes to the cedar trees growing to refill the forest in the front. It takes time for cedar trees to grow. It takes patience to deal with all the “damage” and the resulting “slow growth.”
So also, in our families it takes loads of patience! It takes patience to deal with the emotional “damage” we feel personally when we get “scratched the wrong way.”
And it takes patience when it sometimes feels like “slow growth.”
Family looks like loving, constructive, beneficial feedback.
Everywhere else in the world we each are just beaten up all the time … so there’s no way we are willing to listen to constructive criticism or correction out there.
But home is the “safe place” where those who love us the most care about us the most. They want what is best for us. So they speak the truth to us … gently, firmly, and with love. And we are actually willing to listen to correction and instruction. And we are helped! … and benefited! … and are able to grow into a better person as a result.
If you are part of a family, you absolutely will wind up “being scratched the wrong way.” You will “scratch” your family members the wrong way … and they in turn will wind up “scratching you the wrong way.”
“Scratching” doesn’t have to bring out the “bullets.”
Let it, instead, bring out forgiveness, grace, patience, kindness, love and safety.
