The question which we are discussing:
“A lot of people rush quickly into marriage thinking it will solve their problems or give them things they’ve always wished for. As such, a lot of marriages don’t succeed since they don’t have the background/strength, or people realize they aren’t what they had expected, or require more work than they had hoped. The divorce rate is high enough to prove this. How can Christians overcome this?”
Jack London’s short story “In a Far Country” offers an astonishing parallel for this question. The story’s two main characters, in search of adventure and gold, find themselves unwittingly caught by the coming of winter when the river freezes over solid. They are forced to wait out the long Northern winter in a small cabin … just the two of them … their survival ultimately dependent on their ability to get along with each other.
Those who rush into marriage will inevitably come upon a hard cold wintery season. This is life. How the marriage survives this hard season will depend on how well the two can work together as a team.
In the short story, the two main characters are each so selfish that they start bickering and quarrelling from the get-go. Added to the bickering, they each begin to intentionally do things which annoy the other.
The chief contention between them is the sugar supply. They each are so selfish and self-centered that neither one can tolerate the thought that the other might get more sugar than they.
The arguing and fighting escalates to the point that they each refuse to speak to the other. All communication ceases between them. Now, trapped in their own silence they each must deal with the physical, mental, and emotional strains of waiting out the long dark cold silent winter of the far North.
Some lessons about marriage to glean from this:
* Quarrelling and fighting will unravel any marriage. Added to that, intentionally doing things which annoy your spouse will only further unravel the relationship!
* The biggest point of contention in a marriage is most often something which is small and trivial.
* Selfishness and self-centeredness might seem like the way to get what we want. However, working together as a team is far more effective … and the benefits are far greater!
* Continual arguing and fighting will ultimately lead to a total breakdown in communication.
* Once communication has broken down, each member of the marriage is now isolated … and alone in the silence … alone to deal with the physical, mental, and emotional strains of life.
Some final takeaway thoughts:
– Don’t rush into marriage. Take as much time as you need to fully get to know the person whom you are interested in marrying. Attend pre-marital counseling. Know what you are getting into beforehand.
– Marriage will require letting go of the way you’ve always done things … and it will require embracing a completely new and different way of living life.
– Marriage is change. It will require you to adapt and change. It will require you to listen to constructive criticism. If you are not willing to listen and change … then you will have marital difficulties.
– Marriage requires selflessness. Selfishness will kill a marriage.
– Don’t argue and fight. It won’t help anything. It will only spiral the relationship downward.
– Let little things go. It’s the little things which, if continually fought over, will split the marriage apart.
– In the end, your marriage will ultimately succeed or fail based on camaraderie and teamwork! Learn how to work together well!
