Today’s question for discussion:
“A lot of people rush quickly into marriage thinking it will solve their problems or give them things they’ve always wished for. As such, a lot of marriages don’t succeed since they don’t have the background/strength, or people realize they aren’t what they had expected, or require more work than they had hoped. The divorce rate is high enough to prove this. How can Christians overcome this?”
Yesterday afternoon, on a whim, I read the short story “In a Far Country” by Jack London. I had never read this short story before. I didn’t know anything about it.
As I read, I was astonished at how closely it paralleled our question for discussion today regarding marriage.
“In a Far Country” opens with this profound insight:
“When a man journeys into a far country, he must be prepared to forget many of the things he has learned, and to acquire such customs are as inherent with existence in the new land; he must abandon the old ideals, and oftentimes he must reverse the very codes by which his conduct has hitherto been shaped.
“To those who have the faculty of adaptability, the novelty of such change may even be a source of pleasure; but to those who happen to be hardened to the ruts in which they were created, the pressure of the altered environment is unbearable, and they chafe in body and in spirit under the new restrictions which they do not understand. This chafing is bound to act and react, producing divers evils and leading to various misfortunes.”
This short story deals with leaving the comforts of civilization to venture into the far North country in search of Klondike gold.
Just as a person heading for the far North must let go of everything they once knew, to embrace a brand-new land and a completely new way of doing things … so also those who enter into marriage must let go of everything which was previously their single life … and they must embrace a completely new way of living – together in marriage.
As the introduction stated: “They must abandon the old ideals, and oftentimes they must reverse the very codes by which their conduct has hitherto been shaped.”
This is marriage. Marriage means to let go of the way you’ve always done things as a single … and even to reverse some aspects of your conduct.
This is hard. For sure this is hard.
This is why you don’t want to rush into marriage! You need to truly know the one whom you are committing to for life … that way when your spouse offers constructive criticism, and addresses certain aspects of your conduct … you care so deeply about your spouse that you are willing to change … even to “reverse” the way you do some things.
This is marriage!
The introduction further made the point that if a person is willing to adapt … (willing to change … willing to listen and be flexible) … then the changes required of the new situation won’t be so bad. It even might be enjoyable.
This is marriage! If those who enter into marriage are willing to adapt … (willing to change … willing to listen and be flexible) … then the changes which marriage requires won’t be so jarring. It even can be enjoyable.
However … if a person is “hardened to the ruts in which they were created, the pressure of the altered environment is unbearable.” In other words, if those entering into marriage are stuck in the ruts of their life as a single … if they are set in their habits … then the pressure of marriage will be unbearable!
Marriage requires change. Change for both parties!
If a person is in a rut – hardened in their old habits and ways – then they will “chafe in body and in spirit under the new restrictions.”
If you are not willing to let go of your well-worn groove as a single, you will chafe with utter frustration under the pressures of marriage.
“This chafing is bound to act and react, producing divers evils and leading to various misfortunes.”
Divorce. This is what the end result will most likely be, when it comes to marriage.
Marriage is change. Marriage requires change. If someone is not willing to change, to adapt, to let go of the way they have always been and always done things … then the marriage will be destined for many hardships … and perhaps even divorce.
