Yesterday’s blog post dealt with the importance of having regular “marriage check-up” discussions. Talking through what is working in our marriage … what’s not working … what is “messy”?
Exactly how messy is the “messy”?? Do we need to take immediate action regarding the “messy”? Or should we sit and wait to see how things go?
Several years ago, hubby’s job required him to travel extensively for work. He was crossing time zones so often that he lost all concept of time. Breakfast, lunch, & dinner no longer existed. He simply ate whenever he got hungry, and slept whenever he got tired. And worked constantly the rest of the time.
This was not good for hubby’s health. Neither was it good for our marriage.
This was one of those “messy” situations … and hubby & I discussed it extensively together. It was “messy” because hubby’s job was important. The income was necessary to pay the bills. Hubby enjoyed his work immensely, and his career was doing really well. He couldn’t just quit his job to “fix” the problem.
This situation is a lot like our background photo today. The birdbath in the background photo was set up by my daughter two years ago as a “bird’thday” present for me. When my daughter first set up my “bird’thday” birdbath, the stump was perfectly level and the birdbath basin was perfectly level.
However, the passing of the seasons caused the ground underneath to settle and shift. (since the ground underneath was just a huge pile of bark chips) And as a result, the stump shifted sideways, causing the birdbath basin to tilt sideways as well.
I noticed the tilt last year. The basin was not holding water like it used to. To “fix” the problem, I placed several small sticks underneath the birdbath basin to prop things up. This worked. And the birds enjoyed the birdbath all last summer.
This is like the “messy” situation hubby and I faced regarding hubby’s constant work travel. When things with hubby’s work travel were just beginning to tilt “sideways” … it wasn’t that bad. There were creative ways hubby and I could improvise to “prop things up.”
But eventually it reached a point that no amount of “propping up” was going to fix just how “sideways” things had gotten!
As you look at today’s background photo of the birdbath, it appears at first glance that the birdbath basin is level. That’s because this year I placed several medium-sized rocks underneath to prop things up. But the rocks are wobbly, causing the birdbath basin to be unstable and wobbly! This year the basin simply would not hold water. I gave up trying to keep it filled.
This same type of thing happens in marriage. A “messy” complicated situation eventually goes SO “sideways” that something drastic needs to be done.
Rocky attempts are made to “prop things up.” But when things have gone so terribly “sideways” … rocky props just won’t help.
The foundation needs to be level-set. The entire birdbath … basin and stump altogether … need to be removed, and the ground needs to be leveled out underneath. Then it all needs to be replaced once again.
This is exactly what hubby and I wound up doing … in regards to hubby’s work situation. Hubby took a completely different job, in a different city. A job which would no longer require him to travel all the time. Our family moved across the country … and we “level-set” everything.
Every marriage will have its own unique “messy” situations to deal with.
This is why it is so very important to have regular “marriage check-up” discussions together! It is only through regular “marriage check-up” discussions that wisdom can be found to deal with the “messy” situations.
Sometimes, creative ways can be found to “prop things up.”
And sometimes … a level-set is required.
