I wrote a couple of weeks ago about how “Love Listens.” The main thought was that in our world of constant distractions and only half-paying attention, love takes the time to listen completely when others are sharing their thoughts with us.
Now, after caring for my friend for a week after her complex spine surgery, I’ve realized at an even deeper level how Love Listens.
In the hospital, my friend had a “Nurse Call” button on her bed. If my friend needed anything at all she could press the “Nurse Call” button and a nurse would instantly appear.
At my home I do not have a “Nurse Call” button. If my friend needed something while at my home, there was no call-button to alert me to her need. I had to listen.
In the hospital, my friend’s hospital bed had the option of raising and lowering the head of the bed. The foot of the bed could likewise be raised and lowered. It was a twin-size bed with super sturdy handrails on both sides, which could also be raised and lowered.
At my home all we have is a normal ordinary flat bed. The head of our bed does not raise or lower. The foot of our bed does not raise or lower. Furthermore, our bed is a Queen-size bed … meaning, it is only possible to have a bed handrail on one side of the bed. The other side of the bed is too far away.
After my friend’s surgery, she did not have any core strength … which translated into it being very difficult for her to raise herself up out of bed. All the muscles used for doing such things had just been messed with and moved over out of the way to do surgery on her spine (from both the front and the back).
So, any effort to get up out of bed required my friend to roll onto her side then pull with all her strength on the one small bed handrail we had. In this way she could, with great exhaustion, rise to a sitting position.
On a couple of occasions, my friend accidentally wound up getting turned the wrong way in bed, with her back to the handrail. In this position she was basically helpless. She had no core body strength to turn herself back over. The bed was so wide there was no handrail on the other side to grab hold of … there was nothing at all on the other side of the bed to help her.
As she lay in this position, in pain and unable to get re-positioned, she called out in a faint weak voice for help.
I had to be listening!
If I was not listening, I would not have heard her cry for help at all!
I came running and together we got her turned back the other way and in a position which was more comfortable, with slightly less pain.
Since I did not have a “Nurse Call” button, I told my friend to text me if she needed anything. But on those occasions when she got turned around & stuck in bed, her phone was behind her on the bedside table … completely inaccessible.
The only thing she could do was call for help.
And I had to be listening!
On another occasion, the second night home from the hospital, my friend had a terrible pain crisis! She lay in bed in absolute agony! Hubby and I were sitting at the dining room table finishing our dinner when I heard her faint weak cry for help. I jumped up and came running!
She had left her phone in the other room where her get-well recliner was, and as a result did not have a way to text me that she needed help. I had to be listening!
Love listens!
Love actively listens with an attuned ear, listening for the cry for help which might come.
It reminds me of when I was a brand-new mom, and I put my little baby in the church nursery. At the church hubby and I attended the nursery was just down the hall from the main gathering room where the pastor was preaching. Every Sunday, during the entire sermon, my ear was actively attuned listening for the sound of my baby’s cry.
I didn’t intentionally make a point to be actively listening for my baby’s cry. It just happened automatically. I loved my baby so much that I couldn’t help but be actively attuned, on high alert, listening in case my baby had a need and cried.
I think most brand-new moms are like this when it comes to hearing their baby’s cry.
Love listens!
Love is actively attuned … listening for a cry for help!
My kids are all grown up now … they are off living their own lives, in their own homes, with their own jobs and friends. But even now, my Mom-love is still strong! Even now I am still actively attuned … “listening.” Listening for a “cry for help.”
How do you “listen” when your kids are grown and gone, doing their own thing??
By staying actively engaged.
By reaching out.
By crossing the distance.
By persevering tenaciously to love no matter what.
Only by staying actively engaged do you get that normal text message on that normal ordinary day, and underneath the surface you can “hear” (loud and clear) the silent “cry for help.”
Because love listens!
Love is actively attuned … listening for what’s hard to “hear.”
Only by staying actively engaged do you find yourself hanging out on a normal ordinary day, chatting together about normal ordinary stuff … and you notice a heaviness in the voice. You notice a sadness in the eyes. You “hear”(loud and clear) the silent “cry for help.”
Because love listens!
Love is actively attuned … listening for what’s hard to “hear.”
The week my friend was at my home recovering after her spine surgery, she slept most of the time. She had not been able to sleep much in the hospital. Therefore, my home was very quiet that week as she slept most of the time.
But due to the intensity of the pain, she was only able to sleep for about 1 ½ – 2hrs. at a time.
In the quietness throughout the week, I found myself wanting to put my earbuds in and listen to music. But … if I had my earbuds in listening to my music, I would not be able to hear my friend if she called for help.
I kept wanting to put my earbuds in to listen to an online sermon. But once again, if my friend needed me, I wouldn’t be able to hear her call for help.
I would be so distracted listening to what I wanted to listen to, that I wouldn’t have the space to hear my friend.
In the same way, when it comes to being actively attuned to “listen” for what’s hard to “hear” – the key is to stay engaged. Stay engaged. Keep the proverbial “earbuds” out.
If we allow ourselves to get caught up in all the many things that we want to do, we’ll completely miss the silent “cry for help.” We’ll completely miss the heaviness in the voice. We’ll completely miss the sadness in the eyes. We won’t be able to “hear” with our heart.
Love listens!
Love is actively attuned … listening for the silent “cry for help.”
A favorite quote which I have always loved is:
“Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
A true friend listens to what you don’t say.”
Love listens!
