Today’s background photo was from this day in history two years ago. As you can see, at the time hubby and I were in the middle of “building-out” a new flowerbed.
When it comes to marriage, each person comes into marriage with their own individually unique way of life. Much like this former flowerbed … it formerly was a forest flowerbed, comprised primarily of ferns, covered over by salal, and amongst it all were many half-rotting tree stumps.
There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with the former forest flowerbed. It had a rather wild carefree feel to it.
So also, single life has a rather carefree feel to it … there is complete freedom and autonomy to do whatever one would like with their life as a single.
But once two people come together to get married, the “flowerbed” of life can no longer stay the way it always was.
Each person in the marriage has ideas about how they would like the “flowerbed build-out” of their new life together to look like.
If you look closely at the background photo, you can see a row of rocks where hubby and I would like to put in a path from the house over to the workshop. You can see a row of grasses which we had just purchased, to line the future pathway. You can also see a few other newly purchased plants in their pots sitting here and there in the background.
This is what it looks like when a couple gets married.
The husband has ideas of what he would like their life together to look like … perhaps this could be represented by the future path through the flowerbed. The wife has ideas of what she would like their life together to look like … perhaps this could be represented by the row of grasses lining the future path.
How would they like to structure their life? Would they like children? How many? What hobbies and interests would they like to fill their life? etc. …
These various life-decisions could be represented by the newly purchased plants in their pots sitting here and there in the background. Where will these plants eventually go?? (to be honest, the plants in the photo got planted and moved multiple times in mine and hubby’s flowerbed “build-out” project) This is the same when it comes to a couple “building-out” their “flowerbed” of life together. You try something and it doesn’t work … so you move it around until you figure out what works.
In mine and hubby’s “flowerbed build-out” project, the former forested flowerbed had hills where we didn’t want hills, and there were valleys where we didn’t want valleys. We had to dig up lots and lots of tree roots! … and lots and lots of salal roots! We had to dig out half-rotting tree stumps. We completely changed the lay of the land.
When it comes to getting married, one has to let go of much of what their single life used to be.
In order to put a new path in through the flowerbed, the tree roots and salal roots and half-rotting tree stumps had to go.
This was hard work for hubby and me!
So also, it is hard work for a couple to dig up the roots of their former life as a single, in order to “build-out” a brand-new life together as a married couple. This picture right here is what it looks like to be a dating couple on the verge of getting married, or a newly married couple.
The old roots and ways of living life have to be dug up. A new design for the layout of the land has to be discussed and figured out. This is what the dating process is for. This is the whole reason to date.
Dating is all about figuring out how the layout of the land should be. And what do we, as a couple, want to fill our life with? And where will we put those things in our life?
Figuring out the new “flowerbed build-out” takes a lot of time and a lot of thought! You might have one idea for the way you think it should be. Then after thinking on it for a while you change your mind and have a better idea for how it should be instead. This is dating! This is marriage!
Dating and marriage is all about communicating to figure out how the “flowerbed build-out” of your life together should be.
Then working together to make it happen.
