Perhaps you might be in a dating relationship, and perhaps you might be wondering: “Is this person ‘the right one’? Should I get married??”
As stated yesterday, the first thing to consider is: How has God called you to “build-out” the space of your life? God has called us each to “build a life”… regardless of whether or not we are single or married. What is the purpose to which God has called you?
Secondly, you must consider: What is the purpose to which God called the person whom you are dating? How has God called them to “build-out” the space of their life?
If you have never discussed such things, this is vital to discuss together! Many problems arise when two people join together to “build a life” … but they each have a completely different vision for what that “build-out” should look like.
For example, let’s imagine that for mine and hubby’s build-out in the workshop, hubby’s vision is that the space would be used as a cross-fit training center. Let’s imagine that hubby’s future vision for the space would be to have all his buddies over to do cross-fit training together … in order to compete in Tough Mudder competitions.
But let’s say I do not share hubby’s vision for a cross-fit training center. I have struggled with chronic fatigue my entire life (this part is true!), so I do not have the strength, stamina, or endurance to do cross-fit.
This is the situation which many couples find themselves in. They never discuss their vision or purpose for life while dating. Then once they are married, they find themselves at odds as to the very purpose and direction of life.
It is really hard to “build a life together” when there is not one unified vision. If there are two visions, then the result is division!
Couples who rush into marriage will most likely find themselves in this exact situation … and will have a lot to work through in their marriage! They will most likely have many disagreements. They will most likely have a lot of communication struggles. It will take a lot of work, but it is not hopeless.
Couples in this situation will need to persevere through the misunderstandings and disagreements. They will need to persevere through the communication difficulties … and be committed to keeping communication open between them! They will each need to “give up” on many of the things they want … and learn how to adapt and compromise.
An opposite example to consider is this. Let’s imagine that for mine and hubby’s build-out in the workshop, my vision is that the space would be used as a Ceramics studio. Let’s imagine that I enjoyed throwing clay and making pottery pieces. However, let’s also imagine that hubby had no talent or interest whatsoever in throwing clay. Instead, hubby’s skills are in business (this part is also true!).
In this example, although each of us have different strengths and skills, we could work together to build a business … and “build-out” the same vision. I could be the one creating all the pottery pieces, while hubby would be the one getting us into various Arts & Crafts fairs, creating online opportunities to sell the pieces, and handling all the bookkeeping and finances.
Completely different skills and abilities … one vision … together building a great business venture!
Of course this is a fictious example … but it illustrates a very real point when it comes to marriage and “building a life together.”
If you are considering marrying someone, do they share the same vision for “building-out” life?
That special someone whom you might be considering marrying will for sure have completely different strengths, skills, and abilities. But do you both share the same vision for life? Have you both been called by God to the same purpose??
(If you were wondering about today’s background photo, the jump rope represents the cross-fit aspect of the example, and the mug represents the ceramics-studio aspect of the example.)
