Hubby has not had to travel for work in over 5 years. His company is not exactly thriving at the present – there are budget cuts and layoffs. Yet … the very week we had my friend come to our home from the hospital to recover from major spine surgery … that happened to be the one exception where hubby’s work suddenly decided he needed to travel.
Craziness! It wasn’t even travel for anything important. The reason for hubby to be away really wasn’t that necessary. But when work says you must go, you go. Work puts the roof over our head and food on our table.
So, with my friend weak and fragile, just home from the hospital, hubby was headed far away … leaving me at home by myself to take care of her.
We figured this wouldn’t be a problem because she would probably just sleep the entire time. All should be fine. But the night before hubby left, my friend wound up having a severe pain crisis! She was in absolute agony! We called the emergency number we had been given, and as we waited for the doctor to call back all I could do was sit by her bedside and hold her hand. To be honest, it was a bit frightening.
This pain crisis tipped hubby over the edge of worry. He was already struggling with having to be away right at the time I might need his help caring for my friend. Now with this pain crisis, he decided I needed backup reinforcement to be with me while he was out of town.
He wasn’t wrong. If another crisis like this occurred while he was gone, there was no way I could leave my friend in her suffering to go out to the pharmacy to get her medication.
It really truly did help to have another person around to run out to the pharmacy and pick up her prescriptions. Or to just be around in general.
So, hubby called our daughter and asked if she could come over and stay with me while he was out of town for two days. Our daughter had just come through an exhausting stint of her own – her best friend had just gotten married two days prior (several hours away, over on the other side of the Cascades) and our daughter, as the maid-of-honor, had planned & hosted the bachelorette party, as well as assisted her best friend in all details of the wedding day. Our daughter had just braved a snowy mountain pass to make it back home … and now she was being asked to drop everything and come stay with me while hubby was away.
Without pausing or skipping a beat she said: “Absolutely! I’ll be there.”
In all honesty, I really struggled with accepting help from my daughter. I knew how exhausted she already was. I knew how much effort and energy she had just expended to be there for her best friend and make sure her friend’s wedding was a success. I knew how weary and worn out she was from work (which at the moment was short-staffed and my daughter was having to cover for co-workers who were out).
And now … now I was the one being an added burden on her.
I really, really struggled accepting help from her.
Deep down I wanted to tell her: “It’s no problem. I’ve got this. You don’t have to bother yourself with me.”
But at the same time, deep down I also wondered: “Do I really have this?? Not really. Hubby was right – it would be wise to have someone else around in case there was some sort of medical emergency in the middle of the night.”
I really struggled over this … when the thought suddenly struck me: My friend was being humble and kind enough to accept my help in caring for her. Who was I to think I was too good to accept my daughter’s help??
My daughter was more than happy to come help me while hubby was away, in spite of her own life drama and exhaustion she was dealing with. Just like I was more than happy to take care of my friend after her complex spine surgery.
Why was I struggling so much with not wanting to accept my daughter’s help?? … when my friend was willing to accept my help?
It was pride. Flat out pride.
Love accepts help.
Never once have I ever heard a sermon stating that it is a demonstration of love to simply accept help.
I’ve heard countless upon countless sermons stating that love serves! Love gives! Love sacrifices for other people. And in order to love like Jesus, we must be serving others! We must be giving. We must be doing.
But never have I been taught that love accepts help.
Me accepting help from my daughter was every bit as much me showing love to her, as my daughter’s actions of helping were her showing love to me.
I know this because I felt this same dynamic in caring for my friend. My friend’s humbleness of being willing to accept my help … I felt very loved by her accepting my help!
Love accepts help.
It seems counterintuitive. It seems that in order to demonstrate love to someone, we must be doing something. It seems as if accepting help is passive. It seems as if being humbly willing to accept help isn’t actually doing anything.
Oh but it is!
This is a huge lesson I learned having my friend in my home following her complex spine surgery.
It is possible to demonstrate love to someone else by simply accepting their love for us.
Gratefully receiving and accepting someone’s love for us (no matter what it looks like) … this is an act of us showing love to them!
Humbly, gratefully accepting someone’s help for us … this is an act of us showing love to them.
Love accepts help.
