I do not have much experience when it comes to hospitals. Basically, my only experience with hospitalization was when I had my babies.
Therefore, I assumed that after my friend’s intense spine surgery, her hospital stay would probably be rather boring as she recovered the first week.
I quickly learned that hospitals are not a place where the wounded and exhausted can find rest.
I walked in that second day after surgery just as the nurse was helping my friend back into bed. She did not look well at all. She looked exhausted!
Her first day after surgery had been a pretty good day. But as her surgeon had warned, the next day was a rough one. She had not been able to sleep well the night before. She was coming down off the heavy-duty IV pain drugs, and the medical staff was working her towards oral pain meds. The medical team had forewarned her that they would only be able to keep her pain at a level 8 out of 10 … even with their strongest heavy-duty pain drugs.
My weary exhausted friend had just dozed off, when a team of 3 anesthesiologists knocked on the door and in they came! They wanted to discuss her meds with her. What was working? Should we keeping doing such and such? That pain drug that we swapped in the night, how’s that going?
My weary friend was in an exhausted brain fog. It was hard to keep up with much of what they were saying.
Finally, the team of anesthesiologists left.
At last … some peace and quiet.
But no. Just as my friend dozed off once more … there was a knock on the door, and in came an X-ray tech with a gurney. Time to get up. Time to get on the gurney. She needs to go down and get X-rays.
The X-ray tech busied himself with disconnecting wires from my friend, while he assumed she could get herself up off the bed and over onto the gurney. My friend could barely stand. Let alone get up out of bed and over onto the gurney. Gripped with fear that she might fall, I immediately moved to help her as best I could.
Thankfully the bed-alarm was turned on. As soon as my friend started to rise from the bed, the bed-alarm went off! Alarms and red lights going off like crazy! Nurses came running!! (Thank you Jesus for help!)
The nurse was not happy with the X-ray tech!! My friend was in no condition to try to maneuver/walk by herself. Gently, the nurse helped my friend get onto the gurney.
Then out the door the X-ray tech rolled the gurney … down to X-ray.
When it comes to young 20-something X-ray techs, it isn’t really at the forefront of their mind as to the level of pain their patients are in as they roll them through the halls of the hospital, around corners, bumping over door thresholds and over thresholds into the elevator.
When my friend reached X-ray, she needed to not only get back up off the gurney, but she must stand to have the X-rays taken.
Then the bumpy journey back across doorway thresholds, elevator thresholds, around corners, down hallways, and back into her hospital room … where she then had to navigate getting back up off the gurney and into bed again.
My poor, weary exhausted friend. She did not look well at all. She was absolutely wiped out!
The X-ray tech reconnected all the wires to the monitors once again … and out the door he disappeared with the gurney. Finally, some peace and quiet so my friend could rest.
But no.
Knock, knock. “Housekeeping! We’re here to clean your room.”
And in came the housekeeping lady, turning on the lights and banging around as she mopped the floors, flushed the toilet, wiped down the sink, etc. …
The housekeeping lady left. Finally, some peace and quiet for my friend to rest.
But no. Just as my friend dozed off, in came the nurse aid to prick her finger and get her blood sugar readings.
The nurse aid left. A brief reprieve.
My friend had just dozed off again when, knock, knock! Lunch is here! The lunch lady woke my friend up to have her verify her name and date of birth. With ID verified, the worker left the lunch tray on the bedside table and departed.
My friend raised the head of her bed just a bit, with a faint hope that something good might be for lunch.
I lifted the cover off the lunch plate, and there – was a slice of turkey & gravy, mashed potatoes, and green beans. Who wants a full Thanksgiving dinner two days after major intense surgery??
My friend recoiled at the sight of the heavy meal and turned away in disappointment. I had packed my own lunch to bring to the hospital with me, and had included extra fruit. I offered my friend a banana … which she gratefully accepted! After nibbling a bit of banana, she put the head of the bed back down again. She was just so tired!
My friend dozed off once more … but no.
Knock, knock! In came the nurse with meds.
Pain meds are a good thing! But when you’re so exhausted you almost don’t care at that point.
As the nurse was giving my friend her meds, my friend mentioned that it looked like her IV port in her arm was leaking. Sure enough! That IV needs to be replaced!
The IV team down on floor 10 was called, and an IV lady came right away! No rest for the weary exhausted patient. The IV lady worked for the next 45 minutes getting a new IV started in my friend’s other arm … eventually needing to use the ultrasound machine to find the vein.
New IV in and all completed, the IV lady left. Maybe some rest for the weary??
But no … knock, knock!
Physical Therapy had arrived! Time to get up! Time to get moving! The best way for recovery after surgery like this is to get up and move!
Alas, my poor weary exhausted friend once again got up out of bed, and gave it everything she had as PT walked her out the door, down the hall, and around the corner.
About 45 minutes later, with PT complete, my weary friend sank into bed and immediately dozed off.
But no … knock, knock!
Occupational Therapy had arrived! Time to get up! Time to get moving! We need to practice using this special sock-aid tool for getting socks on without bending over. We need to practice using this reaching tool for getting pants on without bending over. Let’s try to get a shirt on over our head. Moving and lifting arms to try to manage clothing swaps. But no twisting!
How utterly exhausting!!
Finally, with OT complete, my weary friend once again sank into bed. At this point neither of us had any hope that she would be able to rest.
Such is the case with hospital stays.
Were any of these interruptions wrong? No. Each interruption was for a very good reason. Each interruption was for the welfare of my friend. Each interruption was ultimately to help my friend recover so she could go home.
But it sure did feel unkind!
In the moment, what seemed to me that my friend needed the most was rest! How can her body heal and recover if she is not allowed to rest??
Love is kind. Even though sometimes it doesn’t feel kind.
It was very kind of the team of anesthesiologists to come consult with my friend in order to better manage her pain. This was very kind.
But in the moment, it did not feel very kind.
It was very kind for the hospital to take X-rays to make sure my friend’s spine was in correct alignment and doing well immediately following surgery. This indeed was very kind.
But in the moment, having to go down to X-ray did not feel very kind.
It was very kind of housekeeping to come in and keep the room clean. With IV swaps and the constant emptying of the two drains coming off the wound, it was only natural that a few splatters happened on the floor. It is very kind to mop such things up and to keep things clean and tidy.
But in the moment, it did not feel very kind.
It was very kind for the nurse aid to check my friend’s blood sugar levels. It was very kind for the nutrition team to bring a tray of food for my friend.
But in the moment, it did not feel very kind.
It was very kind for the nurse to bring my friend’s pain meds at the correct time. But in the moment, it did not feel very kind.
It was very kind for Physical Therapy and Occupational Therapy to work with my friend to get her moving so she will heal faster. But in the moment, it did not feel very kind.
A natural reaction after a surgery as intense as the one my friend had is that she needs to stay in bed! She doesn’t need to be up and moving.
But allowing her to lie constantly in bed is actually the worst thing for her recovery! Lying constantly in bed would create a high risk for blood clots, which could get to her heart. Lying constantly in bed would drastically slow down her recovery!
Love is Kind.
Whenever I have considered the Biblical statement: Love is Kind … I have automatically assumed this meant showing kindness toward other people in ways you would expect kindness to be shown. Such as sharing kind words with people. Or random acts of kindness; or doing things to help other people.
But … after walking with my friend through her hospitalization, my mind has been blown wide open when it comes to the concept of kindness.
To love someone with kindness means there will be times in life when we are doing something to help someone we care deeply about … and in the moment, it won’t feel very kind to them.
There will be times in life when someone we care deeply about might be making bad decisions or poor choices. It is very loving and kind for us to confront them about this. It is for their benefit! It is for their good!
But in the moment, it does not feel very kind to them.
There will be times in life when those we care about expect us to do certain things. But these things might not be good. It is very loving and kind for us to not do what they expect of us. Because these things are not good.
But in the moment, it does not feel very kind from their perspective.
We each are “blind” to our own weaknesses. Those in our life whom we care deeply about are also “blind” to their own weaknesses. It is very loving and kind to address these “blind spots” and weaknesses, so that maturity and growth can happen in life.
But in the moment, it doesn’t feel very kind to have our weaknesses addressed.
Love is Kind.
Yes, even in those situations where it does not feel like kindness.
If we truly care about someone, and if we truly have their best interests in mind, we will do what needs to be done … even if in the moment it does not feel very kind. Because love is kind!

(As an aside – I chose this particular photo of this particular lighthouse because the lighthouse looks weary. The entire scene looks a bit sad. To me, this is what “kindness-through-the-tough-times” looks like. Kindness isn’t always blue skies and sunshine. Sometimes kindness looks like this.)